@tauycreek

Wednesday, April 02, 2025

Hair-Brained

Two men are at a baseball game. Both men aren't having fun, but one man in particular is practically livid. "So if you don't like the way Birdie Tebbets is handling his pitchers, don't gripe to me, tell him!" his friend says. "I think I'll do that..." the really angry man says, a dark cloud around his speech bubble. When he returns, a baseball has been crammed in his mouth. "What'd he say?" his friend asks.

May 4, 1966

I don't think there's ever been a time where people wanted to hear criticism of how they do things. Especially when you are the one in charge. I don't know why people they would know better than Birdie Tebbets, whose life was baseball for 30 years. Yes, George "Birdie" Tebbets was a real person! He was a catcher who was very good at directing the pitchers. Tebbets played from 1936 until 1952 and then managed from 1954 until 1966. I don't know, maybe what this guy said sunk it considering Tebbets would retire from the Cleveland Indians after the 1966 season. He would continue being a scout for various teams until his retirement in 1997. Birdie Tebbets would pass away in 1999 at 86.

Brutus and Wilberforce are in a room just staring at Kewpie for some reason. Wilberforce looks at Kewpie and then up at Brutus. "Hey Pop," Wilberforce begins "I just noticed that Kewpie has twice as many hairs on his head than you do!"

I guess we're just ignoring all of Kewpie's fur that is on his head and focusing on the two longer hairs that I always figured were oddly placed eyelashes/eyebrows.

Why are they just staring at Kewpie?

Tuesday, April 01, 2025

And Klusterman Was Veeblefester's Oldest Friend

A beautiful woman goes through some files in the top drawer of a file cabinet. A voice emanates from the third drawer "Hey, Natalie." Natalie opens the drawer to find a man lying down in there. "Quincy," she coos, "we have to stop meeting like this."

May 3, 1966

How did Quincy get in there? Did a coworker help? "Hey, Mike, help me into the file cabinet." "What?" "I want to surprise Natalie!" "You could just get her flowers or write her a nice note..."

What happened to the files in that drawer? Is Natalie now going to get in trouble for messing up or even losing those files?

Brutus is standing in Veeblefester's office. A bag of money sits on Veeblefester's desk. "Bad news, chief," Brutus begins "We've lost the Klusterman account." "No!" Veeblefester exclaims. "Oh, wait. This is just an April Fool's Day joke. Ha. That's a good one." Veeblefester pounds his fist on the desk. "Why aren't you laughing, Thornapple? I demand you start laughing!"

No! Not the Klusterman account! Now Veeblefester will have to buy smaller bags to put his desk money in.

Monday, March 31, 2025

Monday Quickies

May 2, 1966

Oh, and Thornapple looks so confident and ready to prove himself in that third panel. His rumpled suit looks how I feel.

March has sucked. February sucked. 2025 has sucked. I can't wait until this suck year is over. That is, if we don't die.

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Prodigious Blast?

Brutus is standing at a podium, clearly giving a speech somewhere. I don't know why. Why would he win an award? Anyway, he holds up some pieces of paper. "I have a prepared speech written for this occasion, but if you'll permit me, I'd like to put it away and ad lib off the top of my head!" He throws the papers behind him and they scatter on the stage. Brutus then spends the next five panels thinking of something to say. He finally just picks the papers back up. "I have a prepared speech written for this occasion..." he begins.

December 21, 1986

I've never had to give a speech before. I know me, and I know I wouldn't like it. The closest I've come is I had to give a little speech to run for sheriff of this fake city my class took a field trip to in middle school. I was not elected sheriff, but instead was hired as a meter reader. My speech trying to garner votes of my fellow classmates clearly did not resonate.

I spent hours on my speech and read it. I didn't leave it up to ad-libbing because all that gets me is a panic attack.

The Weasels are so bad, the coach doesn't even bring a second ball to practice. Also, the coach just lost $8 because of Wilberforce.

Maybe the ball rolled into a alternate realm of fantastical creatures?

All aboard the Candy Line Express! If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money my way.

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Eye Spy

The boat, The Born Loser, is upside down and sinking into the sea. The captain hangs onto the bottom for dear life shouting at his friends, "Whatdaya mean I'm captain and I'm supposed to go down with the blasted thing?!" Meanwhile, his friends are floating away on a lifebuoy apparently cheering and holding up glasses of celebratory champagne.

April 30, 1966

It's clear this is just some guy who owns a boat and took his friends out on it, right? Ha ha! His friends are going to let him drown. What'd be even funnier is if the woman is his wife and she and these two guys are going to sail off into the sunset and she's going to get railed by both of them on a deserted island. Eiffel Tower!!

Gladys walks in with her purse, looking glum. "I found the eye drops the doctor recommended for my dry eyes." "That's good. Do they work?" Brutus asks. "Yes, as soon as I saw the price, I started crying."

Eye drops aren't generally expensive. I mean, I guess $15 for 10 milliliters of liquid can seem kind of steep. Especially when you miss getting it in your eye and in your lashes, on your eyelid or basically anywhere else around the eye.

The Pixies "Candy Line Express"

The Pixies was published by Magazine Enterprises, debuting in 1946. The series lasted five issues, returning in the 1955 as "Pee-Wee Pixies" and then "The Mighty Atom" through different publishers but just reprinting the original stories.

In this story, the first in the first issue, the Pixies are out of candy and everything else sweet because they are out of sugar. To get sugar, Pete takes it upon himself to build a railroad and a train. When the engine turns up missing, Pete becomes The Mighty Atom to find it. Wait. What?

Friday, March 28, 2025

4:55 P.M. On a Friday

A man wearing a top hat floating in a hot air balloon waves his cane screaming "Scat! Shoo!" at a flock of birds heading toward him.

April 29, 1966

I guess Hans Pfaall won't be making it to the Moon today. This isn't even a hot air balloon, it's just a balloon. How's he gonna get down? He's just gonna stay in the air until the balloon deflates. Or, I guess gets punctured by 30-40 feral geese.

FINALLY!! 🎊🎉🥳I support Brutus' downward spiral we're going to see over the next month or so. To be fair, Brutus was a DEI hire before DEI was a thing so this was probably coming anyway. Arnie's the next to go. For obvious reasons.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Did Brutus Take Off Work for Opening Day?

A man is sitting in a chair reading and just having picked up the telephone. "No, just reading, Harry. Why? What's up? Two of 'em, huh? Sure, be right over!" We cut to the man on the other end of the line. "I better warn you, Quincy. Yours is a real dog. You don't care because you know I'm a great kidder and you'll be right over? Fair enough, pal!" Next to the man are two women. A beautiful woman sits across the sofa with dark eyes and stylish blonde hair. The other woman is short and dumpy with frizzy hair, an angry scowl and big nose, and smoking a cigar.

April 28, 1966

So that beautiful woman is going to hook up with Harry here? I probably shouldn't scoff. Harry, as much as I hate to admit it, kind of looks like me.

Hey, Tallulah, if you'd quit posing on that couch, Bertha could have a seat, too. Are these two women friends or what's going on here?

Brutus is in his green chair in front of the TV. Wilberforce is standing next to him. "It's opening day for the baseball season, son. A great day for born losers everywhere!" Brutus exclaims. "Why's it a good day for born losers?" "This is the only time where all the teams are undefeated."

Hey, readers, it's baseball opening day. The crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd. That's right, baseball's back! The boys of summer and The Born Loser a winning team! There. That's over. Although I do believe we will see several more baseball-themed comics over the next seven(!!??!!) months.

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Wednesday Quickies

A man sits on the ground nursing a black eye after being punched by a large man walking by with a beautiful woman. A dog in a hat and feather stands next to the man with the black eye and a suitcase labeled 'Thornapple and his talking dog'. "Talking wasn't enough. I had to teach you how to whistle..."

April 23, 1966

Whistling is one thing. You taught him to wolf whistle? That's the one kind of whistling I would not teach a dog.

He at least seems apologetic about it.

Brutus and Veeblefester are standing in front of each other. "What do you mean I'm..." Brutus begins, but is interrupted by a yawn. "Too laid back?"

Laid back doesn't mean 'tired'.

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Welcome to the Bungle

April 22, 1966

I wish that key word and sign weren't so jumbled by the scanner, so we could clearly understand what's going on. This is clearly some relationship counslor who is asking proto-Brutus and proto-Gladys to find compatibility(?). It's not going to work since proto-Gladys is being mean just to be mean.

There have been file cabinets promoted before Brutus.

We're mixing metaphors, here. Is it survival of the fittest or law of the jungle? Can it be both? I don't care.